The
above subject line has absolutely no relevance to this week. It´s from a
youtube video my companion likes, and I couldn´t think of what to put.
There
are a lot of moments that mark a person´s mission. Some because of the
insurmountable amount of joy. Some (well all) because of the grand miracle that
occurred by the hand of God. And some that enacted a change within the heart of
a missionary. This week, it was that change.
So, I
guess I didn´t really notice until recently how much the external circumstances
in our area here in Artigas have been affecting me. But sometime pretty
recently, I´ve realized I haven´t been as happy as normal. I wasn´t with the
same excitement to go out and work as always. I was feeling a lot of fatigue
and like I was just going through the motions.
Luckily,
interviews with President rolled around JUST on time this week. But in the
morning we were getting a lesson from him. He taught Alma 5:7, which says:
Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out
of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of
darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the
everlasting word; yea, they were encircled about by the bands of
death, and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did
await them.
and
talked about how we needed to wake up the people of Artigas, because they´re in
a deep sleep. he suddenly stopped and said "You guys seem really distracted.
Go eat lunch, and come back ready to learn. I invite you to repent and wake
YOURSELVES up, because otherwise you won´t be able to experience what it is
that I am experiencing in this moment."
I told
him straight up at the beginning of the interview that I wasn´t doing so hot.
That i had fallen into a rut, and I´ve been fighting really hard to get out of
it. He said "I noticed something was different. You have always been one
of the more animated missionaries at all of the places I´ve seen you. But today,
you were one of the people I was talking about."
Ouch.
But exactly what I needed to hear. I expressed to him everything I was feeling
and he listened patiently. Then, he said a lot of really nice things about me.
And then, said "You are here on your mission to learn to be submissive to
will of your Father. I don´t know if it´s because of something that will happen
after your mission where you will have needed to have learned how to do that,
but that´s what you´re here for. Ask Him "Father, is my work acceptable to
you? And if not, how can I repent and make it according to they will?" But
never doubt who you are as a missionary. He is the only one who can help you.
Pray to Him, and I promise you He will illuminate you in the light and release
you from darkness, just like He did Joseph Smith."
While
he was saying the closing prayer, I don´t know why, but i just started to bawl.
He finished, sat in silence for a minute, and then asked if I was ok. I said
"I don´t know President, it´s just hard, you know?" Without saying
anything else, he stood up and said "Hermana Dolan, can I give you a
blessing?"
Of
course I said yes. It was the first comfort, "father´s" blessing you
can say, I´ve had in a long time. And it was SO exactly what I needed. Two
things that I loved that he said:
"I
give you this blessing in the name of Jesus Christ. I bless you to always
recognize that name, and to know that you were sent by it."
"I
bless you to use your mission to let you teach you to submit to your Heavenly
Father´s will. I bless you to make dramatic and extraordinary progress in this
that will help you in your life after your mission."
It´s
not easy to be called to repentence. It´s not easy either to say that you were
called to repentence. But you guys, I woke up. And I´m telling it because of
the amazing change of heart that the Lord works in His missionaries, including
me. Since then, Hermana Paris have been working even harder and striving even
harder less to just be people´s friend, but to really LOOK for their salvation.
And our teaching has totally changed. I cannot describe the love I have for
President Smith, and how uncannily he is like my dad at home. I´m thankful that
he cares enough not only to listen, but also to help me change and become
better.
We
found a super rockin´investigator this week. Her name is Teresita, and she´s a
single mom of 3 boys of 14, 11, and 9. She had even agreed to church, but for
some reason didn´t go. Agency is kind of frustrating sometimes. But we´ll go
see her today and how she´s doing.
Hermana
Chavez, a senior citizen of our ward, went out with us for 2 hours on Saturday.
You guys, this woman is 86! And she has a great GREAT grandchild. She is a
relic. And she STILL went out with us on Saturday, walking cane and all. So, go
out with the missionaries! She is a rockstar.
The
Lord has woken me up out of that sleep I somehow fell into, just as Alma the
Younger. I know this Gospel is true. The truth of it resonates in my bones. It
illumanites my soul, even in darker times, just as Joseph Smith. I feel it´s
power, and the matchless power of the Atonement. Christ is there in EVERYTHING.
And He not only accepts us despite our mistakes, but He loved us enough to
allow us to make them so that we can grow and feel aninsurmountable amount of
joy.
I love
you, I love you, I love you!
Hermana
Dolan
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